Friday, October 05, 2007

"How could you not?"

Ah, so exhausted tonight. David Spangler was such an amazing man to interview while remaining totally accessible. I find myself struggling with the idea that these moments of embodying love are still only those... moments. I remember coming home from a yoga retreat recently completely enveloped in bliss. I was love. I still believe I'm love but the radiance that emanated from me in this state I speak of was undeniable and something somewhere has been lost. There has been a closing on some level inside me and it disappoints me. See, we say this, we say things like "embody love" but I don't really like it. Because it implies being something, taking on some form we are not.

We are love.

So then, for a moment, I was able to live as I truly am. As my true self.

But what I wonder is, why in that soft space between wake and sleep do we rush to put on all these other things? Why do we hurriedly, unabashedly become worriers, rushers, late bill payers, complainers, dirty dish makers, butchers or bakers, or candlestick makers? Why do we hurry to take on pain, fear, anxiety, guilt?

I'm on the plane now to New York. We're over Iowa. The sun is setting gently so that the far away clouds are blushing the slightest pink. We are above the cloud line so that below, and as far as I can see there is a sea of softness, and above, limitless space. For a moment I marvel at the magic of this space and this blanket below me, a blanket of water suspended in the sky like cotton.

I think of Joseph Campbell's suggestion to have a place where you go every morning before you've heard the morning news or read the paper. A place where you go to do exactly what you love, read a magazine or listen to music no one else likes. For some reason I cannot remember what he called this but the idea of it ties into where I am right now above these clouds, writing to you, and to myself. It's soul food. It's beginning, or ending with gratitude, with peace, from a sacred place -- I mean the place we reach inside. This is where I am when I can really drop in and greet you as love. This is where I see you. I think the exterior is only a door, a tool.

So again I wonder, how did we get to this place where we cover ourselves with so many exhausting, needless layers? How did we get to a place where we feel more comfortable feeling fear or anger than love?

Our gathering last night was hosted by a woman named Anne. I had the most beautiful feeling I knew her. Not that she seemed familiar but that I was arriving at the house of an old friend. As she sat there across from me it was as though I had known her forever. I believe this is what the world would feel like if each of us saw love in the other (and ourselves). We talked about how it feels safer when we come from this place of love, when we meet people in this place. As I sat pondering this I began to feel the most incredible feeling of safety even within my own little "family" sphere. I felt so held. My childhood friend, Sarah, had come though we hadn't seen each other in eight years. Rhonda, my friend of 10 years, and my dear friend, Casey, who had planned to but ended up not being able to come. My mother sat at the hotel room with Kate and Aedan tirelessly playing whatever role they might decide she should play in their imaginary worlds. My father, my grandparents, aunts and uncles, in-laws and out-laws... suddenly I saw how much I was supported and loved. I thought about those that don't have this. But I believe it's possible for everyone to feel this way. I wish there was a way to tell every person who doesn't feel supported or seen, I will be this person for you. I am here for you. I believe in you.

I am quick to talk about the simplicity of Hello Love. I truly believe that its profundity lies in its simplicity. And yet I see that the process to get there within myself is as difficult as I let it be. What would fill all this space in my brain that right now is the chatter of fear and worry? If I let all that go what would be left? (This is the space of the unknown where we have to invite trust. A space we reach when acknowledging love whether within ourselves or another. A space that I will have to talk about at another time because it is so important.) What would come to take it's place? These are questions we could ask ourselves. But now I'm making it sound more complicated than it needs to be, more complicated than it is.

In the end one question returns to me again and again when myself or someone I meet hesitates to stand in love, or to greet another with love:

If you know this to be true.

And, if you knew there was even the slightest possibility that with this one little greeting, this moment FULL of potential as well as risk, could change the world -- how could you not seize it, how could you not extend it, how could you not?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have known for a long time that you would do great things( you were always too cool for the island). I have known for a long time that you would do change the world things, I am glad that you see now what we have seen in you. I a honored to support and help in this vision. You have an amazing inner strenght dear friend, and have always been an fantasic communicator and conspirer.